Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
