His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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