Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
