Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
