I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
