I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
