I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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