I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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