Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I cannot find my penis.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
