people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
