see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
