Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
