I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
worst night to have a conscience
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
