Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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