you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
