Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
