What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
