when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
