It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
