Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
