Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
