I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
