Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dicks are not precious.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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