hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You left your phone here
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