just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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