I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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