If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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