I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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