No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
