I accidentally had phone sex last night
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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