birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
