I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
