Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
