arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
