My first STD was from a foam party
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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