i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
