So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
