Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its not stalking. its research.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
