so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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