I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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