they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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