Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
