rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm both gender and math confused
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
