Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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