Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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