I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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