know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
