I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Randomize
