Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
