I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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