i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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