The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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